In the balance

This blog has so far tried to chronicle the way I try and make it through the days as the kids grow, the garden grows, my midwifery training expands….and just like the sleepy garden, this has been a period of fewer posts, less in the ground germinating.  My wonderful family (most of it) was here over Christmas and New Years and, perhaps sadly or not, we didn’t take a single photo.  We had a wonderful week of playing lots of games, walks in the bit of snow that was on the ground, eating, yoga, sitting by the fire, and catching up.  The kids reveled in the attention of their aunts and uncles, and the transition back to a school schedule was tough.

But through all of this, L and I have been noticing that the “work to fun ratio”, as he calls it, with the kids is shifting.   Raising two intensely spirited children has challenged me more than I thought possible, and I still have daily lessons to learn about patience, balance, and good listening.  But with E going on eight and A almost five, we are more often able to simply enjoy their company over a meal, a game of Uno, walks in the Arboretum, even homework.

And even though E joined public schooling this year, I don’t feel like my homeschooling mentality has changed all that much.  True, we have less weekday time to pursue projects, but I am still doing my utmost to support the interests of both kids and give them space to learn what they WANT to learn rather than what they “should” be doing.

E's Picasso-inspired self portrait

new Capsela electricity set for Xmas--he's in heaven

The new year means we already have to start thinking of what A will do for school next year–home? public school? stay at his Montessori?  I always considered myself a bit of a closet unschooler, having expanded that definition to mean “whatever schooling fits your child best at that moment” and so now I am trying to live that out, looking at the kids and hoping that I can best serve their interests and not just my own.    If I can do that for them then I can hopefully do the same for myself as I move into the advanced stages of my midwifery apprenticeship.

That’s all for now, plus thankfulness that our kids are growing into fascinating people that we like (mostly!) to be around.  Here’s to many more years of the same.

The Getalong Gang Gets Together

A lovely perk of our neighborhood, and a small town in general, is the proximity of so many fun people.  Granted, we’ve had to scratch and dig over a period of a few years to find our kindred spirits, but over the last 18 months a fun, fun group has formed.  All of us have kids under eight, enjoy good food and drink, love to be outside and be active, and appreciate a night away from our lovely adorable exhausting children.  A few months back, T and I were talking about the drag of paying someone so you can go out with your partner and pay someone else to cook.  So the plan for our Getalong Gang Supper Club was born: Each month a different couple hosts the dinner party.  The rest of the gang either gangs up for sitters or does their own thing, but either way, no kiddos allowed.  If the tradition works, we’ll all have one night a month where we only shell out for a sitter, and we get to relax in someone else’s cozy house and eat good food. 

I LOVE (small understatement) to host dinner groups.  I’m honestly not sure how I came by this, but nevertheless, I take a lot of enjoyment from menu planning, cooking, setting a table, and sitting down to great food with folks.  This month I looked through one of my favorite websites and found a great menu to work from, cocktails and all.  With plenty of recipes that had portions you could make ahead of time, I was able to dabble here and there over the week with preparations, and that way I didn’t feel exhausted by the time party day hit.

What's an adults-only party without a little R-rated silly?

True to form, my best gals helped me run drinks and beautiful plated courses to and from the living room that we turned into a dining room.  I wanted, for once, to have a big ol’ long table where everyone could sit, so we fashioned one and then decorated with things I grabbed from around the house.  On the one hand I feel a little silly to be made so happy by things like names written on almond shells and beet salads plated with spicy almond butter and arugula, but on the other hand, I feel intensely lucky to be made happy by such things.  My best girl took photos after my camera died so we could memorialize the fun.  Here’s to more nights like it!

With one arm tied behind the back

Over a month and silence from me…it has taken a while for things to sift and settle.  Who knew that the first few weeks of school would be just as hard on mama as on child?  I am learning a lot from my daughter, as well as how much we are alike: slow to accept transitions, often tentative in new relationships, nostalgic for how things were a month/year/minute ago……oh dear.   I hope children aren’t made entirely in the image.

Along with one kid in school, this fall has brought more change: adjustment for mama and the boy left at home, a need/want to accelerate my midwifery training, and all the logistics that come with that.  Plus mother guilt thrown in.   With a new teacher at his current preschool we found that A was no longer going to find a good fit, and so now we are in the limbo time between pulling him from preschool #1 and waiting for him to start (in the next couple weeks, we think) at a Montessori preschool nearby.  In the midst of this I am retooling my childcare needs as I ramp up my apprenticeship.  On the good days, I’m inspired and excited by how far I’ve come and feel like I can see a day where I have my own practice right here in town.  On the bad days I think I’ll never get there.  On the good days I know my kids will probably thrive no matter what small or large changes are made.  Or will they????

E is doing well at school, at least in the ways she is expected to do well: student of the month, a good listener, finishing work, reading beyond the minimum nightly requirement.  She LOVES gym class, has befriended the one-armed boy who at first scared her on the playground, and is becoming a great singer,  but says the rest of the time is “rules rules rules” and that she never gets to finish what she starts.  I am truly of two minds about this.  She is complaining about the very things that made me hesitate to keep her out of school last year: the time wasted in line; the lack to time (or the inflexibility of a schedule for 22 people) to let kids follow an interest for minutes, hours, days beyond the prescribed time allotment; the loud noises.    Part of me knows that life is life and one must become accustomed to a whole variety of people and ways and strictures.  But another part of me doesn’t want her to grow up doing most things “because that’s the way they’re done.”  Yes, large systems need rules and “quiet zones” in the hallways and regulations about where one sits at lunch to run at their smoothest.  But the innovators and creators in the world often break those bonds, and while I don’t proclaim my daughter some sort of world-saving genius, I’d like to give her the opportunity to learn in her own way if it will make her happier and more fulfilled someday. 

For now we’ve made an agreement that if she is trying hard to do her best and meet good friends, I also promise to revisit our options when the school year is out.  She is already telling people “next year I’m going to homeschool again” and I am striving to remain neutral while truly I am a little bit of every opinion on that subject.  Soon enough the time will come to figure out what path best fits her brother, and with mama forging a new path too things are wild and crazy around here.

What we’ve been up to…

Summer has a way of speeding by, and all of the sudden there are first grade orientations, twenty pounds of tomatoes on the counter, cool mornings, last summery visits from family, new school clothes, and last summer projects.  August has been filled by a wonderful week at a resort with L’s extended family, a visit from my sister (with hubby and baby) and brother, and lots of garden goodness.  E has also discovered the wonders of Star Wars.  After her fifth or sixth paper handmade costume ripped while cavorting in the yard, I suggested she move on up to fabric for her designs.  Darth Vader has become serious business in this house.

Vacation was lovely: swimming, lounging, eating good food with cousins and in-laws.

Strangely enough, harvest isn’t my favorite time of year.  But this big mama was a huge surprise this year, a delicious “German Pink” the size of a beef heart.

Our remaining hens departed yesterday to winter somewhere warmer (a friend’s barn with more animals) and the kids have already decided on names for next year’s four chicks: Aunt Mimi, Aunt Ruthie, Superman, and Batman.

In three days school starts.  Too many mixed feelings to elaborate on.  But we are enjoying the remaining days of “real” summer and looking forward to new adventures.

A day in the life

A good friend who is leaving our neighborhood for newer pastures has a blog I like to read.  Amidst their moving mess, she posted a great “day in the life” of herself, husband, daughter, and dog, which was a good reminder for me of why I keep my own blog: to stay connected with far-off family and friends, to journal (a bit). so, in photo, bit by bit and hopefully day by day…

Life on call. Phones and iced coffee nearby while I fold laundry/read/officiate at the sandbox/make lunch/shower/drive kids to daycamp/sleep........

Food. Family. Sunburn. Rewards.

It’s been a while.  Summer, mostly glorious with some sticky-sad humidity thrown in, has taken over and I am glad to say that it has also taken me from the computer into the garden and beaches nearby.  What MN takes from you during the long winters, it definitely gives back as this season rolls around. 

Our 6th year of gardening here

I realized recently that this year has felt the most effortless in the garden, while it also appears to be the most successful: the tomato plants reach past my waist, the lettuce is abundant, last night’s dinner featured veg exclusively from the front yard, and despite the voluminous rains, the slugs have not yet made an appearance.  The more I think about it, though, the more I see that hard work really does pay off when one takes the long view.  For years I’ve had equal measures of trial and error in my vegetable beds, mixed in with things I can’t control (like weather and pests), and now I am reaping some of the rewards for the long slog.  Can you see where this is going, transition-wise?  The same thing is happening with the kids.

Long gone seem the days of rushing to plant beans with the baby monitor clipped to my belt loop.  There are still plenty of fights to break up, but E and A have also developed their own repertoire of outdoor games that they’re happy to keep to as I work outside, and they also (sometimes cheerfully) help me weed, water, and wheelbarrow when necessary.  Their independence is bittersweet, with more on the sweet side, something I think more and more about as E gets ready to enter the school system.

Even more fun, the kids are starting to take part in many of the childhood activities which form memories similar to mine—lemonade stands, neighborhood parties, beach days, county fairs, etc., and I often stop and wonder what their earliest memories will be once they reach adulthood.  For now, I’ll stay grateful: for rain that has kept the sprinkler-ing to a minimum, for lucrative lemonade stands that give a child their own funds for sparkling stuffed dragons, for a tree swing that occupies a boy every day, for food fresh from the front yard, and for a family I love.

Warming up

perfect reading spot

Whether you’re a home- or public-schooler, there’s nothing better than when summer rolls around in earnest, and we’ve had it these past few days. Hot enough for the beach, fishing, and playing outside to our heart’s content. Also mosquitoes, humidity, and weeding. Every year I have to relearn how wonderful the outdoors are for the kids–they don’t need much but whatever they do, it takes loads of time and wears them out like nothing else! E, especially, is able to invent her own fun endlessly in the yard, constructing garments out of daylily leaves, making stick houses, lounging in trees…….and bravely soldiering on after getting hooked in the hand by a fishhook!